Today it's my turn to be heard.
I have just been subjected to the extremely humiliating experience of clipping and bathing. My owner calls it a spa day. I call it something else, but I'm a polite little poodle, so I won't tell you what. I thought I was just fine as I was, but I was snatched by 'she who must be obeyed', and then, before I had time to regroup, I was taken to the bathroom, and subjected to a variety of noisy clippers, thus reducing my lovely, non-shedding, lamb-like coat into a very short haircut, until I was turned into something that resembles a RAT! I have to stand there, enduring this, with no proper defence except sagging down and looking very sorry for myself.
Then, to add insult to injury, 'she' puts me into a bowl (the kind some people wash dishes in) of warm soapy water, and proceeds with the water torture – 'she' calls it a bath. Now, I know deep down in my heart, that 'she' isn't really trying to drown me; it just feels that way, but in truth, I don't care for water unless it's in a clean doggy bowl, or a nice muddy puddle. 'She' however, doesn't seem to realize this.
After the bath, things improve somewhat – I get rubbed vigorously with the towel, which actually feels pretty good, and then brushed and combed under the hair dryer – noisy, but also nice. Last of all, I'm handed the universal dog bribe, a treat. This time it was freeze-dried duck! Yes! The latter is the only positive point in the whole process. You see, although I actually do feel more comfortable afterwards, and although I know that my mistress loves me almost as much as I love her, CLEANLINESS IS NOT A CANINE CONCEPT. Okay, time to go and beat up a few cushions – to get rid of some of the adrenaline. Then I'll insist on a big cuddle! (I'll put on my best pathetic look.)